Art Is....

Self indulgence, creation, curation, wanting to share your soul with the world, never wanting anyone to see any of it, wanting to keep it for yourself, constantly trying to please someone that probably doesn't exist, not wanting to be part of the "art crowd", trying desperately to be noticed, frustration, giving up, starting from the beginning, getting fed up with peoples bullshit, trying to come up with something original and realising nothing is, getting copied, copying someone else, having your world blown apart by someone else's opinion, realising you couldn't give a fuck what they thought anyway, sleepless nights, sleeping in till 3 in the afternoon, lethargy, thinking your no good, thinking everyone else is better and then worse, knowing that person is making it up as they go along and getting away with it, living inside your head, trying to make it though, not caring, having 3am panic attacks because you couldn't care about anything more, wondering how people are coping better than you, not being able to explain yourself, knowing what you are doing is bollocks, giving up, starting over, hating yourself, hating everybody else, being the arty one in the family and playing up to it, having people find meaning that isn't their, having to nod along, not being able to defend yourself, going to galleries and the magic that was once their has gone, having people look down their noses at you because your not the right kind of "arty", feeling bad because you'd be quite happy to paint miniature figurines for the rest of your life.